I began crying but amidst my tears, an idea came to my mind. I spoke to myself and said, “I should read about inspiring stories of individuals instead of focusing on the negative side of my situation”. I started typing again. I searched for famous blind people. You might say I am harebrained, but I need to feel better instead of crying over an eye. I came across Alice Walker’s profile and a few others. Alice Walker got my interest. The reason is: I have read most of her works. I am her fan.

Alice Walker is an African-American novelist best known for her novel The Colour Purple. When she was eight years old, she got shot in her right eye with a BB pellet while playing with her two brothers. After the incident, Alice Walker withdrew from the world around her. During an interview with John O’ Brien, which was published in Alice Walker (critical perspective; past and present) she said, “For a long time, I thought I was ugly and disfigured, this made me shy and timid. I often react to insults and slights that were not intended”.
Her partial blindness caused her to withdraw, and she began writing poetry to ease her loneliness. She became very successful and focused at what she did. Alice Walker stopped tagging herself as a woman with one eye.

I came across Pataudi’s inspiring story. His full name is Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi. He was the most charismatic cricketer of his generation. He lost one eye in a car accident before the age of twenty- two. His right eye was pierced by a shard of glass from the windscreen. Yet, he never made excuses nor involved in self-pity. His determination and success in overcoming the injury made him the captain of the Indian team. As captain, he led Indian to nine victories with vision in only one eye. He earned the name ‘Tiger’ from his adoring fans. Pataudi made us believe that India can win matches abroad. If he can do it, why can’t I?

I also read about the story of Chihuly Dale an American glass sculptor and entrepreneur. He is blind in his left eye, which happened while visiting England. He was involved in a car accident which left him blind in his left eye. During his interview, Dale said, “The loss of an eye was a transformative period for me and it  took some months to recuperate”. 
Chihuly Dale never used this period to think of giving up what he had started before the accident. He wanted to be a glassblower and losing an eye did not make him think of giving up.

After a few moments of silence, I took a deep breath. I told myself I will not indulge in self-pity again. Although, this did not change my mind about going back to school; I became a hairstylist and excel in it. 💪💪

At a point, I felt like I was gradually dying; dying of sadness. I isolated myself from social gatherings and yelled at everyone who told me all will be well. On Wednesday night at about 10:44 p.m. (I can’t figure out the precise date.), I picked up my phone because I could not sleep. I started typing whatever came to my mind on Google – the search engine. The first I typed was one-eyed girl, and I got random pictures of girls. Some were winks, some closed one eye with one hand. I was not satisfied with what I saw; I typed again. What is the effect of losing an eye? The search result displayed on my screen. So, I started reading; fear and anxiety and loss of self-esteem are the effects of losing an eye.
Occasionally, these problems may cause the individual to withdraw from social situations.
I agreed to what I read. I typed again: what does it feel like to live with one eye? Many answers popped up, but I came across these words written in capitals:
I AM BLIND IN ONE EYE AND THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO KNOW. 
There was also a small writeup below; I looked closer and noticed it is the name of a person: DINA SIMPSON. I started reading the author’s story. I will summarise the content because it is lengthy. 
The author sustained a traumatic injury which left them blind in one eye. The author said the blindness in one eye changed their life. There are some questions people asked the author, and the answer given is based on personal experience. Blindness isn’t something you adjust to quickly. The vision in my right eye was taken from me in a terrible accident. (I gave a long sigh and nodded in agreement while I continued reading)
I do not see things the same way anymore; it takes time for your brain to adjust to that. No two eyes will have the same visual experience; I do not see you even when you are right next to me. Losing an eye is stressful, physically and emotionally. The change has been a long process, still ongoing for a year and a half. After reading this story, I was touched and became more heartbroken.

I do not know the author, but I felt sorry for the author and myself. I began mumbling words to myself; I said I will be worse and might not get over it since that author is still adjusting to this change. 😥😢

“She is exceptionally great at what she does.”
“Who?” The other lady inquired.
“The one-eyed hair stylist,” she responded.
I disregarded their discussions. Well, I knew they were talking about me, but I ought to have got used to that title: ‘one-eyed girl’. Besides, it is over three years since I lost my right eye and I have never been the same. One-eyed is my new name; it’s the most excellent description one may ever use to recognize me. I try to disregard this stereotype; although, my inner voice says, “I am one eyed and cannot do so much like other individuals”. I have no choice than to tune in to my inner voice; knowing this weighs me down. The one-eyed girl became my new name. In a few circumstances, individuals don’t call me by the name to deride me, but it became an identity for me. Amidst one hundred individuals, in order to single me out of the crowd, ‘one-eyed girl’ fits into that description; which is enough to know me even if we have never met. I abhorred the stereotype.

I told my parents I would drop out of school; they never acknowledged my choice, but I dropped out. My friends did not support me leaving school, but I disregarded the concern my parents and friends showed me and acted on my own terms. An overpowering feeling of guilt came over me. The feeling individuals feel when they lose something important; an overall sense of stun. I became depressed, questioned my existence and activities. Self-destructive contemplation eclipsed my mind. Losing an eye is an emotional experience. I wanted to end my life. My parents referred me to a therapist since my circumstance had begun affecting me physically, emotionally and mentally. After a few weeks of counselling, nothing appears to work out; that was when I realised no one can heal you if you do not want to be healed. There’s a saying I am familiar with. I cherish proverbs because it enriches language and to some extent, defines a culture.

‘You can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t make the horse drink’.

This implies that you can show somebody something that will benefit him or her, but can’t force them to accept it. A few individuals will in the long run do what they need to do. This was my situation. I hear people’s testimonies when they see a therapist and they feel way better than they used to be. I did the same by seeing a therapist but I did not feel better. In this context, I became the horse!

PRACTICE SELF-CARE

Self-care is a deliberate activity we do to take care of ourselves. Self- care means being mindful of your own needs. We should also note that not all activities which we engage in and feel good about are actually good. For instance, you may love taking alcohol, but consuming excess alcohol can be self-damaging. This applies to over-eating and some other things you do in excess. Doing things in excess can be self-destructive, but moderating this activity helps to promote a good relationship with oneself and the people in our environment. Self-care comes in a variety of forms. 

Eat healthy food: Eat that food you crave for! Take that drink you like but avoid what is harmful to your health. Get enough sleep, wear clothes that makes you feel good about yourself, practise good hygiene. Find/do a physical activity that works for you. Do something that energises your body. It could be swimming, jogging, stretching your body; you might not hit the gym. I workout in my home, so, it might work for you too. Do physical activity in your space. Exercise is a key part of self-care.

Intentionally make time for things you want to do. Practising self-care do not have to be a lavish lifestyle such as; going to the spa, doing facials, and so on. Self-care is being kind to yourself and taking care of yourself. It is the little things we do to feel better. When we practise self-care, we give ourselves the opportunity to discover how much we are worth. Remember, we only take care of things we love and I hope you love yourself that much to practice self-care. What do you feel good about? Do it! 
Practising self-care enhances our self-esteem. It goes a long way towards discouraging negative self-talk and your critical inner voice.

When was the last time you played music by an artist you admire and you listened to the lyrics or maybe smiled as you sing along or even danced to it? We all have that inner child in us: wake it up! And do that thing you think you have outgrown. 

 Is there a book you have always wanted to read? Is there a movie you always looked forward to watching? Is there a place you have always wanted to visit? Create time and do this. 

 Self-care is not necessarily about you alone, although it involves you. Do you want to spend time with someone or a group of people that makes you smile? Create time for this activity. 

 I understand our busy schedules but make time for self-care. To do this, you must love yourself deeply. Self-care helps us to have a deeper connection with ourselves such that we are not lost when trying to please other people, but maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself so you can pass on the good feelings to others.

With these steps you can overcome low self-esteem. It might not be a rapid result, but when you keep practising for a positive change, consistently, you get a positive result.

Good luck! 🤗🤗🤗