“She is exceptionally great at what she does.”
“Who?” The other lady inquired.
“The one-eyed hair stylist,” she responded.
I disregarded their discussions. Well, I knew they were talking about me, but I ought to have got used to that title: ‘one-eyed girl’. Besides, it is over three years since I lost my right eye and I have never been the same. One-eyed is my new name; it’s the most excellent description one may ever use to recognize me. I try to disregard this stereotype; although, my inner voice says, “I am one eyed and cannot do so much like other individuals”. I have no choice than to tune in to my inner voice; knowing this weighs me down. The one-eyed girl became my new name. In a few circumstances, individuals don’t call me by the name to deride me, but it became an identity for me. Amidst one hundred individuals, in order to single me out of the crowd, ‘one-eyed girl’ fits into that description; which is enough to know me even if we have never met. I abhorred the stereotype.
I told my parents I would drop out of school; they never acknowledged my choice, but I dropped out. My friends did not support me leaving school, but I disregarded the concern my parents and friends showed me and acted on my own terms. An overpowering feeling of guilt came over me. The feeling individuals feel when they lose something important; an overall sense of stun. I became depressed, questioned my existence and activities. Self-destructive contemplation eclipsed my mind. Losing an eye is an emotional experience. I wanted to end my life. My parents referred me to a therapist since my circumstance had begun affecting me physically, emotionally and mentally. After a few weeks of counselling, nothing appears to work out; that was when I realised no one can heal you if you do not want to be healed. There’s a saying I am familiar with. I cherish proverbs because it enriches language and to some extent, defines a culture.
‘You can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t make the horse drink’.
This implies that you can show somebody something that will benefit him or her, but can’t force them to accept it. A few individuals will in the long run do what they need to do. This was my situation. I hear people’s testimonies when they see a therapist and they feel way better than they used to be. I did the same by seeing a therapist but I did not feel better. In this context, I became the horse!