When experiencing loneliness, the idea of reaching out for help may seem impossible.

REACH OUT FOR SUPPORT.

It’s also important to reach out for help if you cannot handle your loneliness alone or if you are using unhealthy ways to cope with loneliness such as, drinking too much, overeating, or engaging in other unhealthy behaviour can increase your loneliness in the long-term.

Talking therapy allows you to explore and understand your feelings of loneliness and can help you develop positive ways of dealing with them. Therapy offers a safe space to explore the reason you feel lonely.

If you are not ready to speak to a counselor, there are other options for you. There are charity organisations or groups for you to reach out to. Some of these groups organise events/activities that bring people together. You can also reach out to your support system and people you trust.

Loneliness can cause depression and if it lingers for a long time, it can lead to premature death. The need for human connection is a fundamental part of human life. Loneliness is different for everyone. The reason someone feels lonely differs from why the other person feels lonely.

Loneliness is a response to the need to belong. There are two interesting comparisons I want to give here. Just like hunger, when an individual is hungry; it is easy to get food and eat. You might not eat your favourite meal but you eat the food (You are not allergic to) that is available at that moment. This illustration applies when an individual feels lonely.

Unlike food, you can satisfy your hunger at that moment. You cannot satisfy your loneliness easily. Getting away from loneliness requires you to know how to establish and maintain interpersonal relationships, which for some people can be difficult to do. They need time to get used to 
people around them and if those people do not fit in your circle, you feel alone despite being surrounded by people. 

Being in a group provides a sense of solace. When you feel you’re a member of a particular group, community, organisation or tribe, is comforting. You might not want to be around others all the time, but being identified and noticed with some people is reassuring. It is healthy to spend time alone, but as earlier mentioned being alone and lonely are two different things. 

Being alone can be a choice. Being lonely is when surrounded with people, yet they do not fit in your circle; resulting in loneliness.
Loneliness can trigger feelings of depression, and depression can create feelings of isolation. 

Depression and loneliness can both be isolating. Loneliness makes you to have the feeling of being isolated and abandoned in a world alone. You feel nobody understands what you are going through and feels totally withdrawn from the world. It is necessary to reach out to someone you trust. Reaching out might seem hard, but it is possible to reach out. Break through the feelings of loneliness and let go of the feeling of hopelessness.

If you felt lonely, it’s important to know that you are not alone and that there are ways to establish healthy relationships and overcome loneliness. First, you need to acknowledge that you feel lonely. Recognise the instances you feel lonely or identify the reason you feel lonely. 

Exploring more about your emotions will enable you to address the ways to decrease those feelings of isolation and establish the healthy relationships you crave for. Some lonely people do not recognise they are lonely, and simply have accepted the 
feelings they have as normal.

👇
How can you recognise the signs of loneliness? (To be continued in the next post) 

There are a few reasons SOME individuals get lonely. A portion of the reasons are recorded underneath. 

☹️Being rejected 
☹️Change of a new job or school. 
☹️Racism
☹️Move to another country. 
☹️Away from family or adored one.
☹️Separation from parents.
☹️Absence of companions or friend. 
☹️Victim of bully.
☹️Encountering loss. 
☹️They don’t have the friendship 
☹️Old age 
☹️Being distant from everyone else in a particular season, for example: Christmas, New year, commemoration. 
☹️Low self-esteem 
☹️Monetary difficulties. 
👉And so on… 

Loneliness is distinctive for everybody. Being separated from everyone else doesn’t really mean you are alone. You may have loads of social contact, or be in a relationship or part of a family, and still feel lonely–particularly if you don’t feel understood or cared for by individuals around you. 
Loneliness has both physical and mental ramifications, a considerable lot of which could be the long haul. 

In “A Biography of Loneliness: The History of an Emotion” (Oxford), the British historian Fay Bound Alberti defines loneliness as “A conscious, cognitive feeling of estrangement or social separation from meaningful others.

Loneliness can influence anybody regardless of your fame, money, or age. The need for connection is rooted in our DNA.
We long for people who take notice of us, understand and empathize with our situation, and offer support when the need arises.

Loneliness can cause depression, and if it lingers for a long time, it can lead to premature death. The need for human 
connection is a fundamental part of human life. The reason someone feels lonely differs from why another person feels lonely.

Loneliness is a response to the need to belong. There are two interesting comparisons I want to give here. Just like hunger, when an individual is hungry; it is easy to get food and eat. You might not eat your favourite meal, but you eat the food (You are not allergic to) that is available at that moment. 

This illustration applies when an individual feels lonely. In contrast to food, you can fulfill your appetite at that point. You cannot satisfy your loneliness easily. Getting away from loneliness requires you to know how to establish and maintain interpersonal relationships, which for some people can be difficult to do. They need time to become acclimated to individuals around them, and if those individuals don’t fit in your circle, you feel alone despite being surrounded by people.

Being in a group provides a sense of solace. When you feel you’re a member of a particular group, community, organisation or tribe, it’s soothing. You might not want to be around others all the time, but being identified and noticed with some people is reassuring. It is healthy to spend time alone, but as earlier mentioned being alone and lonely are two different things. 

Being alone can be a choice. Being lonely is when surrounded by people, yet they do not fit in your circle, resulting in loneliness.

Just like sadness, anger, happiness, laughter, Loneliness is part of human experience and it is okay to feel lonely sometimes.
Loneliness is a normal human experience, but when left unchecked it can affect your mental well-being.

Have you ever been in a relationship but still felt lonely? Or you are in a group of people, but still feel lonely? 

Perhaps, Someone has asked you if you were lonely and you felt awkward to answer that question. Well, this is because there is a social stigma associated with being lonely.

The fear of being judged as unlikeable or a loser. 
Although, not feeling free to talk about loneliness adds to you being lonely.

Loneliness is different for everyone.

A child

at school watches the way other of his peers are loved, but he is bullied.

A teenage girl

watches the way other parents bring their kids to school, but she is alone.

A new student

feels alone in a new school (Perhaps another country) despite being surrounded by peers.

A single mom

flips the pages of her novel as she watches couples strolling and holding hands through the park.

A couple

watches the way other lovers hold hands in the park, but they feel lonely despite being together.

An old father

feels alone after his children took him abroad. He has no friends in abroad and his children are busy with their families.

Do you know you can be surrounded by many people (you might call some friends) and still be lonely? Yes! It is not about the quantity; it is about the quality of the relationships in your life. It is the need to be connected to others. Having thousands of friends on social networking is not the same as having someone to share a cup of coffee with or see a movie with.

Loneliness is a feeling of isolation.

New York Times, 25th March 2009 quoted “loneliness leads to poorer physical and mental health.”
Loneliness is not necessarily about being alone. An individual can be alone without feeling lonely and can feel lonely even when with other people around.
Loneliness is the perception of being alone.
Loneliness is actually a state of mind. A lonely person often feels low, helpless, abandoned, unhappy.

Why do people feel lonely? (To be continued in the next post)🤗

I watched my siblings venture out to take part in a football match. My sister is enthusiastic about photography and I’m left alone. I used to be social with a great deal of companions, particularly with the other gender since I’m female. However, when I attempt to be companions with the male; the words they say to me is that: “I am a lovely black woman” and eventually they want to take advantage of me. 

At the point when I think I have discovered a companion in him all I get requested from him is to be close. This caused me to pull out from individuals and stick to my family since that is all I got.

On irregular days, my parent will call me and my kin to the sitting room to have a talk, my parent will reveal to us how honored and advantaged we are to have a better life. At this point, I resented them for carrying me to a new country and making me forlorn.

I missed my life in Africa. It is difficult to adapt since I do not have any companion. My parent didn’t perceive how I felt as an issue. They kept telling me and my kin to peruse and make good grades in school.

I curl myself on my bed and cry most times.
I cry since I’m forlorn.
Although, I have a family that love me so much, yet I need more. I need companions!
People I can talk to about random topics. Perhaps, if my parents had asked me how it is like making new friends since I came, I would have cried aloud and told them how difficult it is, but they did not ask me that question, hence my heart is heavy and I cry alone and feel alone.
I need somebody who will hold my hands through everything. I wish to return to my past life.

There are opportunities and growth in my new life, but I am lonely and I dislike it. It is choking when you don’t have any companions. I feel nobody genuinely wants me.

I’m drained!

I disdain my school!

I disdain everybody!

I disdain everything!

*crying.😭😭😭😭😭😭

There was a feeling of gratitude as I glanced through the window as I sat inside the plane and watched the clouds patterns.

The congregation of the clouds dominated the sky. The sky became a dance floor for the clouds. Vagrant white, few puffy, pregnant gray, Thick, Weighty, Huge, uncommunicative as they move freely in the sky like a liberated individual. However, I contemplated whether anybody thought about the sky a similar path as I do.

My memory of the cloud is never-ending since every one of the recollections I made before I left to another country played in my mind as I noticed the cloud through the window inside a plane.

Daddy! I heard my more youthful sister shout as we showed up at the air terminal. There was a feeling of new breath; a different feeling. Clearly, I’m not where I used to be in Africa. I’m in Europe.I smiled at my dad and strolled towards him for an embrace. Actually; like my kin were doing. We had a gathering embrace.

I got settled in the country and started schooling. Although I was not happy, I had to start from a lower grade because I did not finish my school in Africa before I got my Visa to travel. So, there was no formal certificate to go to a higher class; that is why I started from a lower class. “I will eventually get to a higher class,” I said to myself. It sounded easy to me, but it became quite challenging for me. My first task in the country is to study the language they speak, as this will enable me to communicate as I go on with my day-to-day life as I interact with individuals.

I had some weird moments in my class where everyone clings to their group of friends when it is time for a break, but I had no friends. The reason is not that I am not friendly, but everyone makes their friends and forms a group before they get to a new class. A random new student cannot join a group of friends, especially when you are a foreign student. It became hard for me to cope with it. I began reminiscing about my moment in Africa and how I had a lot of friends that I even select who stays in my circle and who might not be in my circle.

These memories brought a smile to my face. It became difficult making friends here, and all I had is my family. My family is acceptable. I experienced childhood in a home brimming with adoration and resilience, yet I need companions as well.

I felt forlorn and lonely as every day passed by

Letting go is a fundamental process in life.

Just like a garden with fruits does not grow by the command of humans, but grows when it is nurtured by humans and bears fruits. 

When these fruits are grown, ripe and not harvested,

they drop on the ground and give way for new ones to sprout.
It is necessary to let go of what does not serve you. Some animals

shed the outer layer of their skin in order to grow new ones.

Trees let go of leaves in the fall

to give opportunity for new growth in the spring. Letting go is a necessity in life.

Take a moment to observe your body

and let go of what you are holding on to that is not serving you.

LET GO! 

Keep breathing and practicing letting go. When your mind wanders, call your attention back to the moment and connect to your inner power of overcoming your fear.

Trust the universe and have faith that your fear too will pass.
Take a deep breath again; knowing that you can handle whatever comes your way.

⭐SAY THESE AFFIRMATIONS BELOW⭐

⭐I am grateful for my present.

⭐ I am grateful everything is possible.

⭐ I am grateful for letting go of my fears and worries.

⭐ I am grateful for everything I have right now.

⭐I am grateful for my courage and confidence.

PRACTICE MINDFULNESS: Mindfulness is the act of focusing your attention at the present moment by acknowledging everything going on with your breathe. It is a moment of acknowledging and accepting the moment.

Why practice gratitude meditation when in fear? Meditation brings an atmosphere of peace and calm, which is healthy for your well-being. 

Before practicing meditation, Validate your feelings about fear as this will yield a good result at the end of your meditation session. The first step to acknowledging your fear is to be present in the moment. Do not pretend not to fear; your fear is present, accept that you feel it. When you acknowledge your fear, you are in a better state to handle your fear.

🧘‍♀️Find a comfortable position; Sitting, standing, lying or whichever is comfortable for you. Focus on the things you can control at the moment; your breath and your response to your experience. In a moment of uncertainty, slow down and focus on your breath and the sensation of your body.

🧘‍♂️ Close your eyes (or open your eyes) depends on which is comfortable for you to avoid distractions.

🧘 In the position you are, be aware of your surroundings and the sensations of your body.

🧘‍♂️ Note the movement of your palms and make a tight fist.

🤜Hold it tight and take a deep breath as you inhale gradually, then exhale.

🖐️Open your fist while you exhale.

🤜🖐️ Practice this short exercise of holding and releasing your grip 3-4 times while inhaling and exhaling.

🧘‍♀️Feel the moment of relaxation and allow your breath to flow easily.

Then,

Switch the exercise and start counting your breath. As you inhale, count “one” and as you exhale count “two” repeat this exercise till the count of 8-10.

🧘As you exhale, remember you are letting go of your fear.

GRATITUDE: Gratitude is another way to overcome fear. 

Gratitude makes you focus on the things you have at the moment rather than being afraid of what will happen in your life or in the future. 

Gratitude makes you value the little things you have in life which you usually take for granted such as breath, clothes, shelter, water, speech. Gratitude puts you in the present. Deliberately note the little things each day to be grateful for. As you practice being grateful, you will feel more thankful for every moment and gradually let go of your fears.
When you see things in a positive way, the world around you change positively. Whenever you fear about the future or you fear about what might go wrong, call yourself to the present and get a journal

(Electronic or hard copy) note the things you are grateful for.

Perhaps you are grateful for life, friends, family, or something you feel good about. Gratitude gives you the opportunity to accept situations and accept yourself just as you are right now. Gratitude is a reminder that you are worth it and you are good enough. When you accept yourself and everything around you, you have an inner peace like never. You would grow effortlessly without struggling to compete with another. When in fear, be grateful for the moment that you are, be grateful for breath, and be grateful for your existence on earth. 

Another way to overcome your fear is:
VISUALISE POSITIVE OUTCOMES AND PRACTICE SELF-TALK. 

Talk to yourself through your fear and you will see a tremendous change in your view about life. It is important you constantly practice self-talk/affirmations.

Some things you can say are:
🗣️ I am letting go of my fear.

🗣️ I can control my thoughts.

🗣️My fear for heights (or mention what you are afraid of) is gone.

🗣️ I take things one step at a time.

🗣️ My courage is greater than my fear.

🗣️ Letting go of my fear is easy.