It could be a relationship we are expecting a lot from. For instance, we fall in love and fall into the world of fantasy and imagine ourselves and our partner doing all sorts of wonderful things as couples. We plan marriage in our head, We imagine the reception at the wedding, We imagine our kids looking like our partner and so on. All these play in our mind, but eventually just as we imagined, it did not play out as we wanted it to in real life. Failure to achieve all we hoped for in real life has led some people to become shadows of themselves. The reason for this is that you become emotionally attached to a person you truly love and care about. It is the human nature to expect a lot from a loved one in terms of commitment, trust, love and what comes with it but when we do not get these in return, we become disappointed, sad and it has led some people to depression and suicide.

I knew a lady who loved her man so much, but I do not know so much about the man though I can say from the way he treats her when I see both of them together shows he loves and respects her. So, I was convinced he loved her.They were so fond of themselves. There was a day the lady came to my mother, she looked sad.Though, I was not so much interested why she came to see my mother because she occasionally comes to chat with my mother. I overheard her conversation when she was telling my mother she caught her husband being intimate with another lady and I could hear the sobs in her voice which means she was still hurting. I could barely hear my mothers voice, but I heard the sound of the pat she was tapping on her shoulders, the lady said it was the least action she expected from her husband. She told my mother her husband had been apologizing, but she could not bear him speaking to her. I felt sad when I heard a little bit of her story, but I did not listen to all of their conversations.

Eventually, she left our house for that day. I saw her again in our house the next three weeks when I returned from school and my mother was spoon – feeding her liquid food. I could not ask my mother why she was doing that the moment I saw her because I was surprised. Besides, she is a grown adult who can feed herself and the last time I saw her, she looked healthy even if she was crying due to the fact she was heart broken. Shortly after, her husband came to pick her up, she did not say a word even when my mother fed her, she looked lost. When she left with her husband, my mother told me her husband brought her to our home because she has not spoken for over eighteen days and since she is close to my mother he felt that could help. I was in shock. This lady changed dramatically to become decreased in vivacity due to the traumatic experience she had. Her outgoing and lively persona was replaced by gloom and seriousness. She could not talk, she became dumb and distant.

Not all expectation turn out bad especially expectation from the right people and the right result.Most times, when we expect we never expect the bad or worst things we assume every expectation comes with a good result and believe it will never go wrong. Expectations are painful when we do not get the desired result. Sometimes, we put all we expect from the other person in our mind and when this is not communicated, the other person is unaware of what you expect.

Expecting too much sets up for disappointment. The best thing we can do for ourselves is not to be expecting and if we eventually do, we should Not blame people for disappointing us.Rather, it is you who expected too much. Give more, expect less. Give out love Give out knowledge or what the other person needs(if you can provide it) because you want to see them happy. I will stop writing and drop these last words from the holy bible, Proverbs chapter eleven verses twenty-five.
‘A generous person will prosper, whoever refreshes others will be refreshed’.

GIVE MORE, EXPECT LESS.

There is a sentence I am exceptionally familiar with, which says givers never lack other says, expectation hurts. In life, there are certain expectations we look forward to and the reason we look forward to that is the best known to us. Expectations kill happiness. Yes! We all have expectations, but there are numerous situations where we end up being disappointed. The situation might vary, it could be a simple call you’re waiting for and you wake up in the morning, all grins, full of energy, looking at your phone’s screen trusting and anticipating that this individual will call or at least flash a call so that you are convinced that they are thinking about you, but as time goes, smile slowly blurs from your face, you get gloomy, you get disappointed, since there was no call from the one individual who you needed to hear from probably to maintain your good mood for the day. Then, disappointment sets in, you become bitter and a few circumstances during the day might trigger you to nag unnecessarily.

Expectation leaves us bitter, and it steals happiness, do it yourself instead of anticipating. You’ll have had a well – spent happy day if you did otherwise (which is not expecting). Moreover, It can be a job interview probably you have put in so much and acquired a lot to get the job you had high hopes for and you were exceptionally certain, but for some reasons, you might have passed the interview but not called for the Job, you get disappointed and that feeling can drain you totally. I learnt not to expect anything since expectation hurts. I remember when I went for my first interview after school, I had high hopes I will get the job because I felt the job was for me and I’m qualified to have it.
I dressed up and came for the proposed date I was to be interviewed. Upon entry, I was directed to a lobby, and the individual who directed me said there will be an aptitude test before I can be interviewed. My disappointment begun building up because I never expected a test before I can be interviewed. I eventually wrote the test and passed. A few other candidates and I were scheduled for another test (second stage) but I did not make this stage, One of the facilitators strolled up to me and said I failed the second test, hence; I will not get to the interview stage. I was sad and devastated, at a point in my life I said to myself why not experience life instead of expecting the next action. I had a profound understanding of this and applied it to my life.

FREE YOU HEART FROM ENVY OR JEALOUSY.

If you want to be happy, free your heart from envy. No one has harbored hatred in their heart and had a happy ending. The end is usually damaging, that’s why when Joseph brothers sold him into servitude they said; surely, we are being punished because of our brother. We saw the anguish when he pleaded with us, but we would not listen to him that’s why this distress has come upon us (Genesis Chapter 42 verse 21).

Let us take our mind back to the holy bible in the book of Genesis Chapter four verses three to eight, This chapter tells the story of two brothers Cain and Abel, and how envy led Cain to murder his brother Abel. These two brothers brought an offering to the Lord, but the Lord rejected Cain offering because he brought a poor offering whereas Abel offering was acknowledged since he brought the finest he had. On this note, God noticed Cain countenance changed and said to him; ‘If you had done the proper thing, you’d have smiled but because you’ve done evil.’ God knew the extent his envy has built up and said to Cain; ‘sin is crouching at your door, and it wants to rule you, but you must overcome it’. Cain, did not heed to God’s words he allowed the sin of envy rule him.He leads his brother Abel to the fields and murdered him.

Envy has ruined friendships, Relationships and indeed destroyed homes where love once existed.Some see other individuals successful and feel life is unfair to them and not worth living. Envy leads to being a hater and it is one of the reasons why these individuals criticize you for no reason just because they feel they ought to have what you got, or they feel you don’t merit what you have got. Envy stems from perceived rejection.In some situations, we do have the propensities to depict this act which has the potential to fuel harming behavior if we allow our thoughts linger.

In the bible, Genesis Chapter 37 verse 3-4 Jacob love Joseph more than his other sons because Joseph has been born to him in his old age. When Joseph’s brother saw that their father cherished him more than any of them, they despised him and could not speak a kind word to him.They began to plot harm against him and eventually Joseph brothers sold him into servitude and the envy of his brothers manifested itself. Envy takes the great part of us and makes us think bitterly and cruel. Sometimes, we overlook our blessings from God and focus on people’s blessings.We see life as a competition rather than a journey for everyone and each individual have their pace in life, envy results in an atrocity. We ought to celebrate individuals and be happy for them instead of being envious. Don’t ruin other people’s happiness just because you failed to see the blessings you have got. In the holy bible, proverbs Chapter fourteen verse thirty, A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones.

“He was swimming in a sea of other people’s expectations. Men had drowned in seas like that.”
― Robert Jordan, New Spring

If you need to attain happiness, you must not please everyone or live the way individuals or society want you to be, instead of what you really need for yourself. Social pressure has driven most individuals to be fake because they need to meet up to people’s expectation of what or how they ought to be. In attempting to put up with all these, we do not become a genuine version of ourselves, and we discover ourselves battling to be what we are not. One of the effortless ways to be happy in life is to not live up to people’s desire or how individuals need us to. You might not have all the assets to live a luxury way of life but be content while you attempt to improve yourself. Contentment is inward satisfaction; it is accomplishing peace from what you have got and understanding that you simply cannot have everything. Being content is being happy and fulfilled with what you’ve got. Bliss comes from a balance of contentment and wants. We ought to discipline ourselves to be content, so we don’t permit social pressures to make us do things we can’t afford or that’s past our reach; Failure to be content makes us live our lives the way individuals think it ought to be lived and the botches we make affect us, not the individuals who we really do them for.👌

FORGIVE MORE.

I have talked about forgiveness in my previous post and laid emphasizes on self-forgiveness. I also mentioned in my previous post that forgiveness is freedom, you are free when you let go of the past and you will be happy when you do not store hate in your heart. In the holy bible, Matthew Chapter 18:21-22 Then peter came up to Jesus and said to him, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. I know forgiveness can be difficult especially in some extreme situations, but God forgives us as many times as we ask for forgiveness. Then, we should forgive as the lord forgave. Just as we practice our exercises, we should also practice forgiveness it’s only through practice, we can attain perfection. Try forgiving little hurts and you will find big hurts quite easy. I will still share stories about forgiving yourself or others irrespective of the situation. (Refer back to my writing about forgiveness or self-forgiveness.). Filter people or stay away from people who talk down on you and do not see positivism in you.
The people we keep around tells a lot.Some people struggle to be happy or are not happy because of the toxic relationship they find themselves.Some of us have an inferiority complex because we are used to being around people who talk down on us, we feel they are better than us, and we resent them. We feel embarrassed or guilty for being the way we are. To live a healthy lifestyle or have a healthy lifestyle, it is good to let go of these people in our lives and surround ourselves with positive vibes so that we do not harbor grudge. Forgive more!

When I talk about being happy with self it’s not all about spa days & facials it is a series of decisions. However, there are key notes to Achieving happiness and few would be discussed below and maybe some May have stories attached to them. Everyone has a story to tell right? Well, as said prior the real names of the individuals involved in the story won’t be mentioned.
One keynote to achieving happiness is;

DO WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO.
Some of us are not doing what we ought to do simply because we want to Please the society or people around us. It could be situations around us which make us do things we are not happy about and such situations could be a Job which you do to survive instead of doing that which makes you happy. Happiness is a state of mind and how we choose to respond to situations depends on us.
We hear motivational speakers say “just start”, start that which you love to do, but as easy as it sounds, it’s not so easy especially when fund is involved and you need to market and pull a crowd, but why thinking of the end when you have not started? It could be that you love making clothes and before you start, you are already worrying about how people will notice you and start patronizing you, you are worried how you can be better than the best seamstress in town, You are worried about the cost to get a place to start your business,You are stressed about everything, you are worried…You are worried…
In the midst of these worries, can you be happy? Of course, No! Because you Have not started that which you feel you love and want to do and you are already bothered. It might not necessarily be making clothes that you love doing, but whatever it is that your passion lies, do it! Love it! Be happy, about it and don’t worry about the end. 

The internet is exceptionally near to our reach, and we can access it anytime, anywhere as long as we have the gadget. There are numerous educative topics on the internet we just need to search and channel what we want to learn. Skills are numerous(Sports,⚽ Photography, 📸Writing, ✍Singing,🎵 Teaching 👨‍🎓E.t.c) you can see what you actually want if you take time to know yourself and research on what you can do. Also, It could be a job you are doing, and you are not excited about it. So many things can affect your happiness especially if you allow it. There might be a situation your colleague talks down at you, and you say to yourself you will quit the job because you wish to maintain a strategic distance from such a person. You let that colleague disrupt your happy mood, you start planning your way out even when there is nothing wrong with you or how you express yourself. If this is your situation right now, remind yourself you are in charge of how you feel.
The first step to tackle that is to avoid such individual, avoiding does not mean you loathe the person Or you suddenly develop hatred for such a person. If your job requires that you must see that person often, then you should work on yourself such that you do not allow what people say get to you or how people feel about you make you feel bad about yourself. Tell yourself you are the best human, tell yourself what other people think of you is how they view themselves and it doesn’t tell who you are. If we keep telling ourselves this, we will not scowl at every word people say about us. There are other instances but the bottom line is to be happy irrespective of the situation. Love what you do, and if you do not find happiness in that which you are doing, stop before sadness creeps in which might lead you to be depressed.👌

Whatever positive thing you do and it is accomplished, it automatically brings happiness to you. There’s peace in your heart because you have actually achieved something simple or difficult. As simple as it sounds, a few individuals don’t put in so much exertion to accomplishing that which makes them happy. Rather, they put in efforts to add to the happiness of others which is, doing things to please other individuals instead of themselves. Happiness is determined from the small things we do, and how we make this a propensity makes the feeling (happiness) long-lasting. What does happiness mean to you? Or what does it mean to be happy? For me, being happy is to be fulfilled at what you have done or what you’re doing. Happiness is content. So many individuals know what it is to be happy but only few have taken a brief time to really examine how they feel and appreciate the delight that’s connected to being happy. Let’s take a quick examination to gauge the state of our happiness.

Are you happy with yourself?
Are you content with your body shape?
Are you happy with the individuals you encompass yourself with?

These are few questions you ought to answer yourself.
Happiness is a choice, not a result and nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No individual will make you happy unless you choose to be happy, your happiness will not come to you. ~Ralph Marston.
As seen in the quote above by Ralph Marston, we are in control of how we feel and if we choose pity, we are going be pitiful and if we choose happiness then, we’ll be happy. Most times we are responsible for 80 percent of what happens to us out of a 100 percent. Happiness is a state of mind and how you choose to respond to situations that concerns you. Some of us select to be unhappy because we are financially down, but the search for money never ends that’s why the wealthy gets wealthier and everybody keeps striving to be wealthy and what was bought exceptionally costly today or what trends presently will be obsolete someday and supplanted with something modern. New things come out each day and if we put our joy on material things then we might never discover genuine happiness.Some are out there and wealthy but however, they are troubled.
Well, we might ask ourselves why the latter is troubled besides the money is available and sufficient but money isn’t what makes people happy. Money is a necessity but cannot be the source of one’s happiness. Each of us has our distinctive definitions about happiness, if I ask what happiness implies to you. While some individuals might say money gives them happiness, some individuals say being alive gives them happiness . Kindly find below, a few individuals response when I inquired what made them happy or what happiness mean to them.
Happiness means peace of mind.
Happiness means investing time with loved ones.
Happiness means falling in love with the right individual.
Happiness means eating great food.
Happiness means being intimate with loved one.
Happiness means when you are loved right.
Happiness is having love thoughts or thinking about love.
Happiness is going on a new trip.

My reason of responding to resume is because I have not been well – behaved due to my lack of interest in the job but I wanted to prove to him I have not lost my mind totally, and I am still in the right state of mind but I knew I would eventually leave, and I would not resume with him next year. I resumed work after 3 days as I told him, and I performed brilliantly. He said I was back to how I used to be and if I had kept up to my attitude, he wouldn’t have suspended me or have any reason to tell me mean words. On the 20th of December, we were rounding off work for the year, and it was time for staff break I did not give him a clue about my leaving.When new year break was over, I ought to resume on the 10th of January, but I sent a message telling him I need to discuss with him before I resume for the year. The next day, he called me and asked me to come to his church which is a stone throw from my house. When I saw him, and we discussed I told him I’ll not be able to work for him again because I want to learn a German language.I saw the shock on his face though I continued speaking, I told him my father had already sent the money for the fee and going to the German School is certain.
He said the news came so fast and if that is what my dad wants then it’s okay, and I left. I felt a burden was taken away from my shoulders I felt free like a bird away from its cage. As free as the bird in Maya Angelou poem “I know why the caged birds sing.”

A free bird leaps on the back
Of the wind and floats downstream
Till the current ends and dips his wing
In the orange suns rays
And dares to claim the sky.

Maya Angelou tells us how a free bird has the luxury of freedom, and the last line also tells about the confidence of the bird. As seen in the
extract below “and dares to claim the sky.”

I achieved not only freedom like an uncaged bird but also confidence to say what I want and walk away from what I do not want. (if you have not read this poem before, it should be a must read)

I had few friends in other offices when they heard what happened, they came around to see me but I could not clarify what happened at that minute since I was grouchy. One of the young ladies embraced me and tapped my back she told me all will be fine and offered to provide me transport fare, but I told her I had sufficient cash on me. I was at home for 8 days, on the 9th day I got a call from my boss telling me to continue work. During my stay at home, I had a profound reflection and pondered on my long and short term goals as well as making sure my goals is in line with my happiness I realized the earlier I halt this job,the way better for me, I told my boss I was going to resume 3 days after we spoke and undoubtedly I resumed. Even if I had made up my mind, I was a bit uncertain because I am the employee he trusts and the one who knows the job well, but I can be replaced right?
This brings me to a question. Can everybody be replaced? I used to have a friend who says that irrespective of how great you’re or better at something you can always be replaced. Well, that’s a question for you or possibly it’ll be a subject sometime in the not so distant future but I don’t completely concur with that. I accept individuals are special in their own way, and you can be replaced because the other individual has 80% of what you have, but you can’t be totally replaced. That’s my philosophy on this. How about yours?

Despite the fact he makes the environment/office conducive to work in I was still feeling awful about the work. I started forgetting small details I never forget before. I kept mixing up information and missing vital details. My boss begun complaining about my alter in character and my performance, but he was speedy to pardon me. I tried my best to get back to my senses, but it was a struggle and this can only stop if I quit the work and discover what I’m happy about. At that point, it was not an option for me. I felt it would be selfish of me to let go of what he offered me. As the days went by, I became more discouraged at work I was not only missing details no matter how I pay attention to it, but I was loosing my mind. I still remember an occurrence that gave me a chance to make up my mind about leaving the work irrespective of what my boss considers. It was on Tuesday evening around 5 p.m.we were almost rounding off for the day the light disappointed when typing a report to be presented to the bank the following day. He asked me if I could put on the generator though it’s not the standard generator, we need to draw the rope till it comes on. I told him I can start it, and he said I should put on the generator so that work can continue.
I went to the generator house and did what I thought was right. Shortly after operating the generator, I heard a boisterous scream and my boss hurried to the generator house with two other men who were our clients I was panicked and stood aside, so one of the men came forward to put off the generator. My boss looked at me furiously. What is wrong with you? He shouted hysterically. Times without number I have asked about what has been bothering you but you’ll never give me a reply I will send you away before you bring me down I have had enough of your garbage.He strolled away, and clients who came with him strolled gradually behind him. I was shaking…what has truly come over me? When I got to the office, he asked for my identity card and I gave him as well as my keys to the office. He said I was suspended from work till further notice I was dazed he left my presence and headed home. I stood in that spot for over 20 minutes with a blank mind.