FIND SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR EACH DAY.
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, gratitude is simply “the state of being grateful”.
Gratitude improves physical health and self-esteem.
It is certain you are going to have your down days sometimes; this is normal. Find something to be grateful for to divert your attention from feeling bad on the
days you don’t feel good.
HOW DO WE PRACTICE GRATITUDE?
Get a pen and a paper put it in writing what you are grateful for in life. What are you grateful for?
You might not write all in one day. It can be done daily. The timing of when you want to write is up to you. 
If you do not want to write, below is another method to express gratitude.

MEDITATE
Try to find a moment on some days to be alone and meditate. According to Be Happy Yoga & Salt Cave, gratitude meditation is;

“a simple way to meditate” because at its core, all you have to do is just “reflect on all the people and things you are grateful for”.

Gratitude meditation is a deliberate act when we need to notice the things we often take for
granted such as; shelter, food, water, friends and the gift of life.
Take a moment alone in a quiet environment; you can sit, stand or lay on the bed. It depends on the most comfortable position for you. Close your eyes while maintaining a relaxed mood; reflect on what you are grateful for: physically, mentally or emotionally. Gratitude increases our esteem. Instead of resenting people who have more than we do, we appreciate their accomplishments.
Gratitude makes you to see the positive view of life and makes you feel better about yourself.
Boost your self-esteem with gratitude!

CELEBRATE YOU

Celebrating yourself is an act of ‘self-compassion’ because it increases ‘self-kindness’ and decreases ‘self-criticism’. To celebrate means to engage in a joyful activity.
We spend a lot of time chasing money and obsessing about the future, but we lose sight of the small things in life we should acknowledge. 
Celebrating yourself not only feels great, it also reinforces a positive attitude.
Celebrate life!

KEYS TO OVERCOMING LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Have you ever heard of the law of attraction?
The law of attraction is the ability to attract into our lives what we are focusing on. It all begins from our minds and transforms into reality. If we think positive and work towards achieving a positive result, these thoughts will eventually become a reality. This also applies to negative thoughts.
Most times, what you believe about yourself  manifest into reality. You are smart; you have a good heart; you are beautiful; you have ideas that can help people solve a difficult task; you are a perfect Mother/Sister/Wife, Father/Brother/Husband, Friend, Grandparent and every good thing you can think of. Believe it and live up to it. Attract what you want. You have it in you to be the person you can be proud of.

MISTAKES ARE OPPORTUNITIES FOR GROWTH.

Mistakes are unintentional errors. When you make a mistake, you have done something wrong. Often, these mistakes are made because we are humans, and we are not perfect. Making mistakes can cause several reasons such as; poor communication, pressure to decide fast, partial knowledge and so on. If we don’t make mistakes, we would learn nothing. Do not be hard on yourself by blaming yourself for failure. We are humans. It is normal if we do not get it always right. 
Mistakes are opportunities for growth. It is in failing we realise our weakness and strength. When we make mistakes, we should be curious to know why we failed at that task and be better rather than faulting ourselves and giving up.
Some of us dwell on our failure and tell ourselves we are not good, so, we quit trying because we assume we will fail. Please, if you have this mind-set you need to change it.

Mistakes are part of life. We gain knowledge by knowing what works for us and what doesn’t work for us when we fail. Mistakes make us creative; if we fail at first attempt, it triggers our creativity because we will find other options to get it right. Remember, Bruce Lee said; 

‘Mistakes are always forgivable if one has the courage to admit them’.

Quit living a life of blame and grow from your mistakes.

I saw myself from a different point of view when I came across a book by Louise Hay THE POWER WITHIN YOU, which she wrote in the 90s (May her soul rest in peace) This book changed me for the better. The information written in this book helped me love myself more and taught me not to give away my power to others. I realized it’s okay being myself and I should always be positive. Louise Hay’s voice in her work is soothing. I felt, I was having a physical conversation with her. At a point perusing, I came across inspiring chapters in the book, I will write as she wrote in her book (The Power Within You).

Have you ever noticed people who feel great about themselves are alluring? They have qualities about them that’s just wonderful. They are cheerful about their lives, things come to them effectively and easily. Find out who you’re. If all you are doing is telling yourself that you are not great, then you stay stuck. You need your own loving support if you need to make changes. If we edit our speech by listening to what we say and not letting negative things come out of our mouths, at that point we will shape our thoughts. There’s tremendous power in our spoken words. The way we talk to ourselves inwardly is imperative because it becomes the basis of our spoken words. If we belittle ourselves, life will mean very little to us. If we adore and appreciate ourselves, then Life can be a wonderful, joyous gift.

Louise Hay also talked about ways to love yourself. The most important key is to stop criticizing yourself. Think for a moment about the words you use when scolding yourself some phrases people tell me are; stupid, bad boy, bad girl, useless, careless, dumb, ugly, worthless, sloppy, dirty, Et cetera. Are these the same words you use when describing yourself? There is a tremendous need to build self. To be whole, we must accept all of ourselves. So, let your heart open and make plenty of room in there for all the parts of yourself. The parts you are proud of and the parts that embarrass you. The parts you reject and the parts you love. They are all of you. You are beautiful. We all are. When your heart is full of love for yourself, then you have so much to share with others. Love is the most powerful healing. I open myself to love. I will love and be loved.

I cannot write all the chapters of this book that changed my view. It was a long journey of self-discovery. I resented myself so many times for being the way I am. I became isolated; I resented people; I felt their looks are better than mine, but at the end of reading this book, I felt better, more opened to love and be loved. To forgive and be forgiven.

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I became very uncomfortable with my body after my encounter with the senior girls in the hostel. I became awkward around my peers coupled with the fact that no one calls me by my name (Binta) everyone calls me ‘FATTY’. Even in the classroom, when the teacher needs me to take part in the lesson exercises, they allude to me as that fat girl. Someone said he despised fat young ladies because they are dirty. I felt I was not worthy to be among other young ladies, and they were significantly better than I am. They had pleasant bodies; they precisely looked their age, flat stomach. I got a lot of odd comments about me from my peers. It was a mixed school, so I found it exceptionally difficult to be myself in the middle of the opposite sex. Some say I look like an abnormal pregnant lady. Each time I gaze at the mirror, I abhor myself the more.

I looked for ways to get my stomach flat so I don’t look like a pregnant lady or abnormal pregnant lady as they called me. I took a lot of lime and because of this, I developed a stomach ulcer. Few times, when I find myself in the company of my peers, they get more attention from the opposite sex and all I get is snide comments.

Sometimes I return from the class, on my way to the girls hostel I get requests from the male students to call a particular female for them, but no one sends for me like they do to other girls. I resented them, and I felt bitter about myself. Twice a week, we do morning drills in the field, and my sports wear don’t fit in like other young ladies. My stomach always struck out and my clothes were tight such that they expose the lines that divide my stomach. I got more attention in the field, which made the situation unbearable. If other students were to jog or run twice, I will do the same five times since they tell me I’m fat and need to lose weight.

I preferred my company I became self isolated till I got to college. Though, I saw a few ladies who were overweight or big sized, but I felt they were better than I am. I have been body shamed, which makes me feel insecure about myself. I met Lola, a woman I frequently see in the library we see ourselves nearly every day, when we are at the library, but never got the chance to talk to each other. Reason could be that we were in different departments, and the need to start up a conversation was not so necessary. Our eyes sometimes met, while; we sat opposite each other and lift our heads from the book (s) before us. I was stepping out of the library when Lola strolled up to me and grinned. I flashed a watery grin back. Besides, we knew ourselves, but never talked to each other. She told me I was wonderful and perfect. She also said she felt good because she has finally spoken to me. As she kept talking, the grin on my face steadily blurred I felt she was lying to me, I felt she was being snide like my high school mates. She attempted reading my facial expression; I could see she was perplexed. (She just complimented me genuinely.) She finds it difficult to understand why I ceased grinning and displeased about her compliment. Well, the reason is that I have been so used to individuals talking negatively about me, such that I no longer believe it when individuals talk pleasantly about me. I was forlorn, I kept to myself, I was depressed.

At a point in my life, I met this mind blowing young man. At first, I did not care much because I questioned every positive word he said about me, I felt he said them because he does not want to hurt my feelings. Though, he wanted to be with me, and I felt I do not merit him. He left other beautiful, good looking, slim ladies to be with a ‘fatty’ like me. He was always there for me, but I never gave him the attention or open up to him. Because of this, he felt the love was sided and eventually went his way. I felt awful for loosing him and also faulted myself for not accepting his love for me. I always thought low of myself, and this affected not only my relationship with individuals but my love relationship.

 

 

 

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself – Mark Twain.

My father and I arrived in the school premises at precisely 6:38 p.m. I can remember the precise time clearly because at a point in our journey I was tired and I kept looking at my wrist watch and kept asking my father the actual time we were reaching, but he kept telling me ten minutes more and when it had gotten to ten minutes, he tells me ten minutes again. So, I practically glued my eyes to my wrist watch. When we arrived, I looked at my wrist watch and took note of the time. It’s something I can’t forget easily.

My father sighed and said; at last! We have arrived. He opened the entryway in the drivers side and came down to open the entryway for me. I was full of fervor, so I hopped down quickly like a puppy discharged from a cage, He went behind the vehicle to bring down my luggage to where other students were standing. As we continuously walked to the other side where other students stood, my father saw the fervor on my face, and he flashed
a grin. He told me he was pondering if I can adapt in a boarding school, but seeing my reaction makes him feel at ease that I’ll be fine and I gestured emphatically, I told him I will be fine. Most plants were green, perhaps not all, but the plants I saw were green; green fields, green blooms, I just like the tranquility. At the distant end of the field, I saw the Nigerian flag (Green and white or Green white Green) and the song green land by Ty Bello (Singer) flashed my mind I begun humming the song…🎵🎶

The land is green – it’s green Ooooh.
The Land is green – it’s green Can’t you see?

The Normal protocols were observed and my father wished me well. I followed the other female students to the hostel with my luggage as coordinated by a woman who talked to us and showed us the route we ought to follow to the hostel. Though it was a stone throw from where we were standing, such that, we don’t need to take any means of transportation. Rather we trekked to the hostel. On getting to the hostel premises, I saw a few other young ladies in a group, a kind of casual and not serious group; chatting and chuckling, A few was slouching. The buildings were four structures facing themselves and a huge tag hung underneath the roof. I had a fast look and noticed each tag has the title of distinctive colors composed on it. One tag has Red HOUSE the other has GREEN HOUSE the other BLUE and the final PURPLE HOUSE they were four.

Move over there I heard a voice behind me; I turned quickly and saw a lady pointing one of her fingers above my head I looked at the direction she pointed and also looked at the tag above I saw BLUE HOUSE. I thanked her, but there was no response she walked away. I was putting on a blue check dress I noticed other girls had different colors just like the colors written boldly below the roof of the structures I saw and some girls were putting on casual wears, I entered the room that has the tag BLUE HOUSE I saw some girls stepping out from the hostel. Few grouped themselves in twos as they came out while some came out in threes and others just came out on their own without attaching themselves to groups. I waited till they came out, they gave a brief stare and passed.One of the ladies
stopped, You are new right? She said to me. I nodded my head forward and backward and gave out a watery smile (weak smile) She helped me take in my luggage.

Who is that fatty? And after that question there was laughter in the background. The lady who carried my bag gave a mockery smile and walked out leaving my bag beside me while I stood facing some girls. I could not count the number of girls I was facing besides, I was reluctant to know the number of girls I was facing because I was already upset with that name. Yes! I am fat, but ‘fatty’ is not my name.I kept mute and frowned , I also ignored the question. Of course, that question should not be for me, I said to myself.

Though some girls were still laughing, one of them came forward but not close to me, she ordered me to drop my bag and start jogging from the entrance door to the other end of the hostel because fat girls are not allowed. Let her rest! I heard another voice, but the lady who stood insisted I must Jog. I felt embarrassed, I have never felt this way and never been talked to about my body. I dropped my bag pack I was carrying and started jogging while the girls kept laughing. I jogged for about 40 minutes I was exhausted and upset, I had to rest.

(Davfin’s PNG image)