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HAPPY NEW MONTH! (1/12/2020)

I wish my amazing readers and followers a happy new month and better days ahead. ❤️

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YOUR WELL-BEING SHOULD BE ON CHECK.

Supporting a person who is suicidal can generate a lot of mixed feelings.

It can be a challenging thing to do, but it is rewarding because you would be saving a life. It is important you look after yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and stay connected with family and friends rather than being alone; thinking of the situation you got involved in. You can only take care of someone when you have taken care of yourself.

Taking care of someone demands your time, energy, which can be stressful. Ensure you remain healthy, know your limit on how much support you can offer so you do not burn out. Take regular breaks such as exercising,

taking a long walk,

seeing a movie

or engaging in an activity

that takes your mind off the situation for a while. During these moments of getting involved with a person who is suicidal, it is common to overlook your needs; that is why taking care of yourself should be a deliberate activity that you should do consistently.

Spend time with other people,

eat balanced diet

and have a good sleep.

It is important you understand what you are involved in. Amidst looking out for another person, self-care is important. Remain in touch. Ensure you check up on the person

and ask how they are doing. Be observant, especially with their tone when they speak; connect with them on social media to stay updated about their status update (some give clues to end their lives on their social media page). Always offer your support. If the person improves, it is necessary you check up on them for a couple of months before backing out finally.

DON’T GIVE UP, YOU CAN ENJOY LIFE AGAIN (3)

Victims who attempt to take their lives exhibit one or more warning signs through actions or words. People thinking about suicide are usually uncertain about acting on their thoughts to end their lives. Often, a part of them wants to be alive, and a part wants to die. This situation can overwhelm the victim. These signs should not be taken lightly when noticed. If you know someone who is exhibiting (some) warning signs above, kindly speak to that person by asking questions in a kind (non-judgemental) tone.

Kindly see some examples below on how you might ask the victim in a kind tone.

 You have not been cheerful lately, I am worried about you. What is troubling you?

 Ask the person if s/he is thinking about suicide.

 Take away sharp objects that might be used by the victim to self-harm.

 Be supportive and help the person seek help. Your prompt actions can save a life.

 Help the person connect to a support system. It could be family, friends, coaches, colleagues, doctor, or therapist.

 It is important you are careful with your use of words such that the person does not feel judged (which might cause the person to withdraw).

Such a statement that makes a person feel withdrawn includes: “You don’t know how fortunate you are”, “You are selfish for having that evil thought”, “You are weak” ETC. Avoid making these statements that make the individual get withdrawn.

 Be there to listen. Let the person know you value him or her and want them to experience joy and happiness.

 Don’t let a positive response deter you from asking further. Don’t just ask “How are you?” and when the person responds “Fine!”, you are relaxed with the response. Instead, follow up with further questions if you know the person is not fine. (Refer to my previous post)

You might ask further; “You don’t seem like yourself lately” or “You have been distant”. If the person insists s/he is fine, let them know you will always be available to listen.
When a person is exhibiting suicidal threats, they just want someone to listen to them without being judgemental. They need a chance to talk about their feelings and be heard. Be a friend/family/spouse that cares. You can encourage that person to seek a professional help. Having suicidal thoughts does not mean they will act on them. Do not agree to keep their suicidal thoughts a secret (it is harmful). Make them aware that it is not a secret and you intend to take the information seriously. Not alone, but with a professional help. If they do not want to talk to a professional therapist, help them find a support system such as; parents, friends, pastors, teachers, guardians, social groups. In rare cases, if they don’t wish to be involved in a support system, call an emergency.

DON’T GIVE UP, YOU CAN ENJOY LIFE AGAIN (2)

It is difficult to determine if a person is about to commit suicide.

People who are feeling suicidal may not come out and tell you they are feeling suicidal.

It is important to ask when you notice a change in a person’s behaviour.

Although a person who talks about suicide may give a warning sign that s/he may attempt suicide (this is; suicide threat),

most suicide people have planned carefully and thought about the act for weeks or months. It is not an impulsive act. A person who could experience suicidal thoughts may show some signs which are listed below.

•Excessive sadness.

• Hopelessness.

• Unusually calm (This can be a sign that the person has given up on life and decided to end his/her life).

• Talking about being a burden to others.

•Consuming more alcohol than usual.

• Expressing regret about being alive.

•Choosing to be alone and avoiding social activities.

•Poor personal hygiene.

• Reckless living such as, Rough driving, increased intake of drugs.

•Making preparations as if going away for a long time (This might include visiting friends, family members, and social groups).

•Talking or explaining why suicide is best (Every threat of suicide should be taken seriously to prevent the victim from carrying out the act).

•Giving away valued possessions.

DON’T GIVE UP, YOU CAN ENJOY LIFE AGAIN (1).

What is suicide? Suicide is the act of intentionally ending your life.
Is suicide an option? No! It might seem as if your pain is endless and you will never find happiness again, but there is hope!
Certain difficulties in life may trigger the thought of suicide. There are several reasons these people commit suicide:

 Some commit suicide because they were raped.

 Some commit suicide because they were falsely accused as liars, or they were charged with crimes they did not commit (since it is hard to accept what has happened to them, they intentionally end their lives).

 Some commit suicide after the death of a loved one.

 Some commit suicide because of difficulty in relationship.

 Some commit suicide because of prolonged illness during which they feel unworthy of living.

 Some commit suicide because of financial loss.

 Some commit suicide because of physical illness.

 Some commit suicide because they are victims of bully.

 Some commit suicide because of cultural pressures- such as forced marriage.

There are lots of reasons some people may want to commit suicide; the reason is- they want to end their suffering. Death is not a solution to hard times. Instead, death brings pain to the victim’s family. The loved ones you leave behind after killing yourself would live the rest of their lives in pain of losing you. Your loved ones will blame themselves for not being able to save you. Suicide is not a solution; staying alive is the best way to deal with the issue troubling you.

Everyone goes through pain, heartbreaks, difficulty in finances/ relationship. You are not alone. Sometimes, we all go through tough times in life.

In these tough times, we may have occasional thoughts of ending it all. It may seem like the only way to be better rather than be a burden is to end it by committing suicide.
Hopelessness can make you have bad random thoughts, which can be so overpowering that it clouds your judgement and leads you to believe that taking your life is the best option.

It may take some time to get over the feeling of hurt, heartbreaks, disappointment, loss of a loved one, rejection, divorce and some other hurts. It can be really hard to go through these, especially when you think you can do this alone. It may seem your happiness will never end, but it is important to know that with help, you can overcome these negative thoughts you struggle with.

Please, confide in someone you can trust (I will share helplines at the end of this topic; it might be helpful if you do not wish to speak with someone you are familiar with).

BROKEN-WINGED BIRD (FINAL PART)

⚠️CONTENT WARNING: The passage you are about to read is a true life story of a victim that committed suicide due to rejection from the woman he loves as a result of his health issues. This content might be disturbing to some readers.

It is a ritual in my writings to share true life stories and provide emotional support. (Emotional support will be given at the end of the story).
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The thought of dying occurred to me again,

and taking Sniper, but the pain I went through when I consumed the liquid prior scares me. (I hate that feeling!). I thought to myself; if one bottle of Sniper did not kill me, two bottles will kill me if I try again.
I could not think of any other poisonous liquid except Sniper. I called few people important in my life; most of them were surprised to hear from me since I haven’t called them in a while. I also responded to my chats on social media, which I have always been ignoring for a long time and also updated my status. I wrote: “I WILL MISS YOUR CHATS”. I folded my clothes neatly and

arranged my room. I went to the barbershop to have a hair cut, and I also visited some friends close by. Life felt good in those moments.

On my way home, I felt satisfied I could say my final goodbye, which was unknown to people I came in contact with. I got two bottles of Sniper, instead of one. I met my sister in the house when I arrived (if she is in the house with me, I won’t achieve what I intend to do) I thought of an idea and walked up to her. I requested she get me some snacks. The reason I told her is- I have been craving for snacks and forgot to get some when coming home (She gladly offered to help me get them).
Immediately she stepped out, I quickly entered my room, and looked around before settling on my bed. It occurred to me that I need to take the Sniper before my sister returns. I brought the bottles out from my bags where I kept them carefully. I opened the first bottle and gulped a lot until I finished it. I quickly opened the second bottle, and gulped. I could not finish the liquid in the second bottle because I could no longer control myself. I started having the feeling I had when I took the Sniper the first time I tried it (I became restless and struggled for breath). At this moment, I was already on the floor. I reached out for my pen and quickly tore a page from the book close to my bed. I threw up and moan painfully. I wrote on the paper; “I am sorry”. Everything became blurry. I kept moaning
painfully and became helpless…

When I came home with my brother’s snacks,

I did not find him in the sitting room. I called his name severally, but no response. His door was partially opened. I do not want to invade his privacy, I just informed him I got his snacks but there was no response (which is unusual). Whenever my brother sends me on errands, he hardly relaxes; he would pace around until I get back and see him doing so.
I walked towards the half-opened door and pushed it gently while calling his name.
Behold! I found my brother on the floor. His eyes were wide opened. I screamed and ran towards him. To my surprise, I found two bottles of Sniper beside him. ‘He is dead! I lost my brother! I should have refused his errand if I had known this will happen,”

I said to myself in tears.’

(May his kind soul rest in peace. Amen!)

BROKEN-WINGED BIRD (3)

It is a ritual in my writings to share true life stories and provide emotional support. (Emotional support will be given at the end of the story).
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I met a beautiful lady. I am not emphasizing about her physical beauty; however, her good ethics and some intangible qualities make her beautiful to me. We dated for few months and knew we were comfortable to take the next step to marriage. We fixed a date which I would formally introduce myself and my family to her family. I was thrilled when the day for the introduction finally arrived.
The formal greetings were going on among both families

while my bride and I grinned and blushed at ourselves. As the occasion was going on, my limbs began to twitch, although not noticeable. ‘’Not today’’, I whispered to myself.
My bride noticed my facial expression had changed; I quickly stood up to use the restroom, but on my way, the seizure tossed me on the floor and I convulsed (while producing a frothy liquid from my mouth).

I found myself at home a few hours later. My sister told me I convulsed during the introduction ceremony; hence, the ceremony couldn’t continue. I nodded my head in agreement to what she said. I felt embarrassed when I fell during the ceremony, but I couldn’t help my situation.
I did not hear from my bride for a few days after the ceremony. It is unusual for her not to keep in touch. On the fifth day, I went to her house, but I did not meet her there. Her mother informed me that she’s out of town. I requested her contact since the contact I have is not connecting. When I dialled her number, I could reach her. I introduced myself, but she responded in a dull tone. I apologized for ruining our special occasion, but she said there would be no need for my apology since she would not get married to me. She also warned me not to call her number again and hung up.

I still held the phone, trying not to believe she broke up with me.

I felt like a failure again. I couldn’t become a priest because of my health issues, and now the woman I love refused to get married to me because she saw me in my worst state. What else can I do?

My health issues kept getting in my way directly or indirectly. The thought of dying occurred to me again; if only I am dead, all these would not happen to me.
I got home after taking a long walk around the neighbourhood on a random day, I became gloomy. Although my sister is always around to give me her support whenever she notices I am not feeling good. I am grateful to her (she’s always there for me).

BROKEN-WINGED BIRD (2).

It is a ritual in my writings to share true life stories and provide emotional support. (Emotional support will be given at the end of the story).
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On a Sunday evening, after taking a walk;

I stopped by a store to get bottled water.
The cashier couldn’t attend to me immediately since there was a customer before my turn. The cashier kept explaining something about some products the lady purchased and was also trying to convince her to add a particular item to the ones she got. I became curious and went closer with my bottled water in my hand. The customer wanted to get poison for outdoor pests. Eventually, she got Sniper which seemed to be more effective just as the cashier said. When it got to my turn to make payment for the bottled water I got,

I requested she add the Sniper to my bill. The cashier flashed a satisfactory smile; the smile which means she is top in her marketing game.

I did not buy the Sniper to control outdoor pests as she thought. Just as I mentioned earlier, life is meaningless to me. Few minutes after I got home, I got a call from my younger sister informing me that she will pay me a visit. I did not give a quick response as she expected me to say: “Come!” (In an exciting tone). Instead, I told her to come over next week because I had something to do and I did not want to give her less attention when she comes. I knew my tone sounded weird, but it did not matter to me; as long as she doesn’t show up. I went to the bedroom

after I dropped the call and sat on my bed. I held the Sniper for a while before opening the cap. The only thought that came to my mind is: drink and rest not drink and die. I wanted to rest from: disappointments, seizures, failures and everything.

When I gulped large amount of the liquid, I felt chills on my skin. After few seconds, I felt different. I became certain the outcome will be awful, but I don’t know how awful it will turn out. Perhaps before experiencing that, I will cease to exist on earth. It sounded like a relief to me.
I stood up from the position I was sitting on the bed and quickly took another gulp. This time, the bottle was almost empty. I lost my stamina and could not stand firm on the ground. Saliva started coming out of my mouth; the taste is horrible! I had a weird feeling in my stomach; the feeling as if someone is tying my intestines so tight! I fell on my knees, while saliva kept pouring out of my mouth (not a frothing fluid, but slimy fluid from my mouth) which was accompanied with a runny nose. I had no control over my actions; I became helpless on the floor and began moaning painfully. My body began twisting in strange positions.

I held whatever my hand could reach as I struggled in pains. I felt like vomiting my intestines or everything in my stomach (if possible), but the discomfort increased as I watched myself die slowly. I struggled for breath. My life was squeezed out of me gradually.

I found myself on the bed when I opened my eyes.

I looked around, trying to understand the environment I found myself; a nurse passed by without looking towards my direction; I confirmed I am in the hospital. I tried adjusting my position to sit upright, but in moving my body to get the desired comfort I need, I heard a voice say, ‘Relax!”
It’s my sister. I felt embarrassed; I couldn’t look at her face boldly. She said, “I was almost dead on the floor when she found me, and she felt disturbed when I turned down her request of coming to visit”(that’s why she insisted on visiting). My sister informed me she would no longer stay with my elder sister anymore, but she will stay close to me (since she is scared she might lose me).

I started seeing a therapist after my discharge from the hospital.

I had a series of sessions with a therapist and I felt better. I started writing again and living my normal life while putting my past behind me. I visited some close friends (who were ordained as priests) in their various parishes, and they counselled me. I made up my mind to let go of the fact I could not be a priest and start a family.

BROKEN- WINGED BIRD (1)

It is a ritual in my writings to share true life stories and provide emotional support. (Emotional support will be given at the end of the story).
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Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.
~Langston Hughes.

Life seems unfair to me. In this context, I became the broken-winged bird that cannot fly, or maybe I am not broken, but choose to be broken. I have always had a dream to be a priest in the Catholic Church. I recall the day I received my letter on a cloudy morning. It was a kind of day that could bring rain or sunshine. The sun was hidden by the cloud and the atmosphere was cool and breezy. There is something unique about cloudy mornings; apart from the fact it could bring either rain or sunshine, it ushers in a quiet and relaxed day. Another thing I love about cloudy mornings is the sounds of chirpping birds. These birds create lyrics only they can understand.
At about 10 AM.,I was called to the office. My superior looked gloomy; he told me he did not want me to leave. My instinct already knew the answer, which is I will have to go. I did not grin or scowl; just a straight face. He said few words, which I ignored and gave me a letter slowly. I took it and opened it; I became heart broken. I was dismissed from the seminary school because of my health issues! “You can always visit again”, he said. I left; trying not to shed tears. I packed my things from the seminary and headed home.

HEALTH ISSUES
I would not be talking much about this topic, but I will give brief details of my condition for you to understand what I suffered from.
What is epilepsy? Epilepsy is a chronic non -communicable disease of the brain. It is characterized by recurrent seizures, which are brief moments of involuntary movements. Epilepsy means the same thing as seizures; a disorder.
A seizure is the sudden alteration of behaviour because of temporary change in the electrical functioning of the brain. Epilepsy is a medical condition in which the victim experiences convulsions and blackouts.

My seizures usually begin with stiffened arms and legs. Before the seizure manifests, I would try hard to hold myself, but my efforts are usually unsuccessful. This would be followed by me biting my tongue, difficulty in breathing, and jerking of my limbs. I usually do fall from a standing position when these occur. As the seizure ends, I would feel embarrassed, confounded and frightened. I would also become slow to speak. Sometimes, I sustain injuries because of the fall.
Life is meaningless! I said to myself. The only way to end this pain is by taking my life. Talking to someone was not an option for me at this point; I just want to end it! I became obsessed with death.

Few friends from the theological school came to pay me a visit when they had the chance to visit. We usually engaged in a chat about current issues since I left. Some of my friends advised me to take my writing career seriously since I am good at it, while some urged me to get married. We all smiled and chuckled at our discussions. After their departure, I thought about writing and started a career in it. I wrote short fictions, but for the most part, I wrote poetry to express my feelings and hurts.

I wanted to divert my attention by writing, instead of reflecting on the past, but it never worked since I felt I am a failure. Some of my friends were ordained as priests, while some dropped out of seminary school for personal reasons. As time went by, some of my junior colleagues were also ordained as priests. “I am a failure!” I said aloud to myself. “It is better I die and forget about everything I thought of myself.” With this, I still continued living my life and writing but I held on to the thought of death.

IDENTIFYING AND OVERCOMING YOUR INNER CRITIC (FINAL PART)

Identify what makes you feel nervous when you face the public. In some situations; before you go for an interview, (It could be a job interview) you had already practised what you would say, but you are worried about failure despite your preparation. Why are you worried? Perhaps your inner critic is laughing at your efforts as you practise. Your inner critic tells you, “You cannot do it and you do not deserve that job.”
When you listen to your critic, you lose self-confidence.
Rather than listening to your inner critic that whispers ‘‘you cannot’’, challenge and question that voice by saying, “Why do you say I will not be picked?” Place your hand on your chest and say, “I am qualified and I deserve the job!”.

Identify why you are scared. Are you scared of rejection or you will not be picked? First, believe you deserve the job. If you are not picked, try to know the reason; maybe you did not perform so well in the test. When you understand the situation, it helps you prepare better the next time you try again.

Are you scared of the unknown questions? Practise the answers to the questions before you go for an interview. When you go for the interview, be relaxed and calm. If you are relaxed and calm, you project an aura of confidence.
Identify your skills and abilities. Identify how you can use your skill in the job you intend to get. Learn and prepare. Although it might not be a job interview for you, we get nervous at different points in our lives. It is important you identify these factors that make you nervous and deal with it.

Silence your inner critic!

THINK POSITIVE! STAY POSITIVE! NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!

YES, YOU CAN! 💪